First publication: Civil and Military Gazette, 11 January 1886
Sussex Scrapbooks 28/1, p. 47
A virtuous bearer in the employ of Messrs Gillon and Co. has been convicted of stealing a cricket-ball, and sentenced to three months’ imprisonment. What in the name of everything incongruous can a bearer want with a cricket-ball? He couldn’t very well eat it. I am absolutely certain that the Lahore Cricket Club does not buy cricket-balls from bearers. The students who play on the Volunteer parade-ground, near Gillon’s shop, seem to use cricket-balls of local manufacture. As a weapon, except in experienced hands, a cricket ball is useless, and there is not enough fuel in the whole of its composition to light a respectable hookah.
A mochi (leather-worker) wouldn’t buy it for the sake of its hide and sinews; and the most pushing of pawnbrokers wouldn’t advance a pie (small coin) upon it as an ‘article of common use or wearing apparel’. The man who would peril three months of his liberty for the sake of the best cricket-ball in creation is obviously weak in the intellect, and should be treated as such.